This morning I came to the realization that I’m 43 and still haven’t figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I live a stable life. I’ve worked at the same job for 15 years. I’ve worked my way up from the bottom to management. I have property. If you were to examine my life, you’d say I’ve lived the American Dream. The thing is though, I have a job not a career. I took that job because I figured it would do until I figured out what I wanted to do, and I still haven’t figured out what I want to do. Am I the only person in this boat?
How I Got Here
This morning I was walking and was just analyzing life. After school I screwed around for a couple of years, then joined the Army. When I was at the recruiter, I told him, “I want to do some real Army shit, but I don’t want to be walking everywhere.” So, I signed up to be an armor crewman on an M1A1 Abrams tank. I did that for 10 years. It was a blast, but situations changed, and I had to come home, so I wound up getting out. I had the slightest idea at the time of what to do so I took a job working where I’m at now. Just to hold me over till I figured it out. I realized this morning that I have never figured it out.
So Where Do I Go from Here
So that leaves me wondering, where do I go from here. Lately I’ve found myself watching all those YouTube self-help gurus. I can’t— I’m not even going to talk about them. I will say this. I realized quickly that a lot of them are about the same age as my son. I guess I’m doing good admitting to all of you that I’ve gone this far in life and haven’t figured anything out. Acknowledging the problem is half the battle, right? Well maybe that will motivate me to make a move. We’ll see.
I guess I should start taking inventory of the things I’m drawn to. I’ve always loved music. I’m a more than decent drummer. I’ve played for 35 years consistently. The thing is with that, now I’ve developed arthritis and can’t throw it down like I used to. I like being creative. I like communicating in written word. We can see where that will lead, hmmm? I don’t know. I guess I’ll just figure it out later