Master of Procrastination: I’m 43 and Haven’t Figured Out What I Want To Do When I Grow Up, Yet

Welcome to my World

This morning I came to the realization that I’m 43 and still haven’t figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I live a stable life. I’ve worked at the same job for 15 years. I’ve worked my way up from the bottom to management. I have property. If you were to examine my life, you’d say I’ve lived the American Dream. The thing is though, I have a job not a career. I took that job because I figured it would do until I figured out what I wanted to do, and I still haven’t figured out what I want to do. Am I the only person in this boat?

How I Got Here

This morning I was walking and was just analyzing life. After school I screwed around for a couple of years, then joined the Army. When I was at the recruiter, I told him, “I want to do some real Army shit, but I don’t want to be walking everywhere.” So, I signed up to be an armor crewman on an M1A1 Abrams tank. I did that for 10 years. It was a blast, but situations changed, and I had to come home, so I wound up getting out. I had the slightest idea at the time of what to do so I took a job working where I’m at now. Just to hold me over till I figured it out. I realized this morning that I have never figured it out.

So Where Do I Go from Here

So that leaves me wondering, where do I go from here. Lately I’ve found myself watching all those YouTube self-help gurus. I can’t— I’m not even going to talk about them. I will say this. I realized quickly that a lot of them are about the same age as my son. I guess I’m doing good admitting to all of you that I’ve gone this far in life and haven’t figured anything out. Acknowledging the problem is half the battle, right? Well maybe that will motivate me to make a move. We’ll see.

Taking Inventory

I guess I should start taking inventory of the things I’m drawn to. I’ve always loved music. I’m a more than decent drummer. I’ve played for 35 years consistently. The thing is with that, now I’ve developed arthritis and can’t throw it down like I used to. I like being creative. I like communicating in written word. We can see where that will lead, hmmm? I don’t know. I guess I’ll just figure it out later

May the 4th Be With You

2 thoughts on “Master of Procrastination: I’m 43 and Haven’t Figured Out What I Want To Do When I Grow Up, Yet

  1. I’m also a drummer and writer, as you know. 56, unemployed for 5 years, and have NO idea what I want to do. I never moved into management, because I’m not wired to handle the job. So I’m in the same boat as you, except I have no money and have never owned any real property or a new vehicle.

    Who can keep a job at the same place for 15 years? That’s impressive.

    My only career would have been drumming. Autism brings a narrow focus. As I write this, I have a job counselor; a contractor who helps me find work. He’s attempting to “explore” what I love. He’s also a drummer, but he’s got 12 initials after his name to represent degrees. This exploration feels cut short, since I tell him my career was to be a drummer, he says it was originally his, too, and then we fall flat.

    Maybe there is really nothing to “be” when we “grow up.” I think growing up is over-rated, anyway. But maybe we just have to “be” as people, and nothing more. Keep suffering that situation, and then retire.

    At least you can look forward to retirement. I’ll have to either work until I die, or die because I cannot find work.

    Liked by 1 person

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